if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Im part way to drunk.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
