Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
