Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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