I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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