I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
