Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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