So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
