I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
