Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
