Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
