My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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