you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
