Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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