When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
why do cheetos always look like penises
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
