My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
