i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
