farters have to be the big spoon...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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