I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize