You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
