I wish I could teleport
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Bring me that man meat
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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