those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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