So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
