I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
