I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
