The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
