Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the day after is always just damage control
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
