there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
