Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
