fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
