You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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