That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
