Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
