I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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