do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize