he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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