One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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