No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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