I smell stomach acid.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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