Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
