I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
