i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
