If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just want nice things and good sex
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
