So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she told me i tasted like america
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
