i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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