you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
