I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
