I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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