It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
