dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
