Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
