There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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