WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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