I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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