Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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