I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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