dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How does it feel to date your dad?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
