Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
