My hair reeks of homosexuality.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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