what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
