Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
