remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
