I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
