the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
they're like a gay fantastic four
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
