Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Terrible idea I love it
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
