do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
