I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
