I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
look no pants
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
