she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
