My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
