I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize