Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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