Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
What a dumb baby whore.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
