i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
