I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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