Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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