you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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