oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
