I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
