Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
