wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
