whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
